February 21st, 2005
|08:48 pm - Honesty at its worst.|
You know what? Fuck everything I said about not writing on here. I need someone to talk to. And the best I've got is this journal.
Matt is my best friend. But sometimes, I cant help thinking that he'd rather talk to Katir or Kate or El or Claire. I know thats stupid, but I want him to tell me things. But he doesnt. He doesnt tell me whats wrong anymore. He doenst even tell me whats right. I've known him since year 8. And it feels like that means nothing. Hes always telling me he loves me, but thats not what I want. Sure, its nice to know someone loves me, but I'd rather know everything on his mind and whats going on in his life. I want to know. But he doesnt want me to.
Katie is my best friend. Most of the time. And at the moment, shes trying her hardest to totally piss me off. Always talking about some guy shes got her eye on. Katie, i'm sorry hun, I care, but sometimes when your going on about it every second a girl cant help loosing interest in this weeks fancy. You ignore me, and pick things with me and when I do it back you get hurt and tell your friends *Alex Peel* that I've upset you. Then they are all "WILL YOU LAY OFF KATIE" well the answer is, no i fukcing wont. Not until she gets off my case. Or until she grows up abit. Or until she just gets her head out of her arse. I love you so much, and we have so much fun together, but please, dont blame every single tiff or argument on my. You are so selfish.
Kate, you are so amazing. Your great. But, your beautiful and kind and sweet. And you know it. Sorry hunny, maybe I'm wrong, but sometimes it feels like you know your great, and you put yourself down to rub it in our faces! I know its not a nice thing to say, but thats how it feels. And this is honesty at its worst.
Amy, take that fucking piece of shit off your ear. You dont have it pierced so dont pretend. Its so cringy.
El, thanks for being great, It was really nice to talk to you tonight. You made me laugh and I love you!
Dad, your a bastard. Will you leave me alone? Just because your son is a fuck up doesnt mean I will be too. So please dont shout at me for no reason. Because I didnt do anything, and you know it.
Ok, now I've said everything, I'm going to say sorry for everything I've said. I meant it all. And I'm sorry that I meant it. I'm sorry.
Shit, my little sister is crying and shes going to get Dad so pissed off in a minute. Jesus. Stop it.
JUST STOP IT.
JUST EVERYONE FUCK OFF.
I DONT NEED YOU.
I DONT NEED ANYONE.
Current Mood: bitchy
I love you too hun
I hope you feel better soon darling. I love you so much