February 22nd, 2005
I feel better.
Called Matt and cried down the phone to him.
Kate called and I cried down the phone to her.
Thanks for being there.
I love you both so much.
Kate, I'm so sorry I was a bitch. I love you so much, and if I ever make you feel like that again, then yell at me! Dont hurt yourself hunny. Please dont do it again. And if you do, please dont let it be my fault. xxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: better
February 21st, 2005
|08:48 pm - Honesty at its worst.|
You know what? Fuck everything I said about not writing on here. I need someone to talk to. And the best I've got is this journal.
Matt is my best friend. But sometimes, I cant help thinking that he'd rather talk to Katir or Kate or El or Claire. I know thats stupid, but I want him to tell me things. But he doesnt. He doesnt tell me whats wrong anymore. He doenst even tell me whats right. I've known him since year 8. And it feels like that means nothing. Hes always telling me he loves me, but thats not what I want. Sure, its nice to know someone loves me, but I'd rather know everything on his mind and whats going on in his life. I want to know. But he doesnt want me to.
Katie is my best friend. Most of the time. And at the moment, shes trying her hardest to totally piss me off. Always talking about some guy shes got her eye on. Katie, i'm sorry hun, I care, but sometimes when your going on about it every second a girl cant help loosing interest in this weeks fancy. You ignore me, and pick things with me and when I do it back you get hurt and tell your friends *Alex Peel* that I've upset you. Then they are all "WILL YOU LAY OFF KATIE" well the answer is, no i fukcing wont. Not until she gets off my case. Or until she grows up abit. Or until she just gets her head out of her arse. I love you so much, and we have so much fun together, but please, dont blame every single tiff or argument on my. You are so selfish.
Kate, you are so amazing. Your great. But, your beautiful and kind and sweet. And you know it. Sorry hunny, maybe I'm wrong, but sometimes it feels like you know your great, and you put yourself down to rub it in our faces! I know its not a nice thing to say, but thats how it feels. And this is honesty at its worst.
Amy, take that fucking piece of shit off your ear. You dont have it pierced so dont pretend. Its so cringy.
El, thanks for being great, It was really nice to talk to you tonight. You made me laugh and I love you!
Dad, your a bastard. Will you leave me alone? Just because your son is a fuck up doesnt mean I will be too. So please dont shout at me for no reason. Because I didnt do anything, and you know it.
Ok, now I've said everything, I'm going to say sorry for everything I've said. I meant it all. And I'm sorry that I meant it. I'm sorry.
Shit, my little sister is crying and shes going to get Dad so pissed off in a minute. Jesus. Stop it.
JUST STOP IT.
JUST EVERYONE FUCK OFF.
I DONT NEED YOU.
I DONT NEED ANYONE.
Current Mood: bitchy
|07:27 pm - Finially Finished|
Nicknames: Al or maybe just Alanah. No one likes me enough to give me a nickname
D.O.B: 22th August
Height: Five foot 6 inches
Weight: I dont wanna know, and neither do you
Location: Home, wish I wasnt thought
Single or taken: I'll give you three guesses
Race: Erm white
Shoe size: 7 1/2 or 8
Clothing style: Anything I want.
Piercings: My ears and the top of my ear. Although I want more.
Tattoos: None. I hate pain.
Band: McFly, Good Charlotte, Blink 182, Green Day, Rooster, Starting Line etc
Song: Starting Line - Best of me
Film: Anything thats good I guess.
Person: Anyone. Anyone at all. At the moment El because she just made me laugh lots on the phone :D
Animal: Die. Wheres my fur coat?
Food: Anything that I can eat ^_^
Drink: Alcoholic: WKD bluuue Non-alcoholic: There are non alcoholic drinks? Wow!
Place: Wherever the world takes me.
Have you ever:
Been drunk: Not really. Just hyper, a few more and I would have been. But my friends would have been dissapointed in me if I was really drunk. I wish they werent.
Been high: No. Its my goal in life to be high at least once!
Kissed someone of the opposite sex: Yes
Kissed someone of the same sex: No
Been in love: No.
Cut yourself: Never again.
Attempted suicide: No.
Been arrested: No...
Do you / Are you:
Do drugs: Not yet.
Have any bad habits: Hmmm, I'm bossy, I swear, I use the lords name in vain *loudly* and I dont care, I'm rude, I often talk back to my parents, I often hit my siblings on the head with sticks, I dont care what people think about me, I dont care if people hate me, people try to make me better by telling me I'm great but I know its not true, I refuse to beleive anything good about myself, I'm ugly.
Like cleaning: Only when I've got music on and I'm happy.
Write in cursive or print: Whats cursive?
Over weight: Nope.
Under weight: Nope.
Your views on:
Alcohol: Go ahead hunny.
Drugs: Depends what.
Underage sex: If you really love the person then its okay but I think to many people have sex when they are not ready. but if you get yourself pregnant, then its your problem
Pre-marital sex: Go for it.
Same sex relationships: If thats what you like!
Smoking: If you wanna die.
Abortion: No. Really against it. Should only be given to women who truely need it. NEED. Not want. Stupid little teenagers should get themselves that way in the first place.
Close friends: Who knows?
Pets: Matt, Mr Moo.
Enemies: People hate me. I hate people. But no real enemies.
Drugs taken illegally: None.
Times you have been in love: None.
Who is you best friend: Do you care?
Do you friends function like people in a family: Yes. Espeicially Kate. Shes my big sister.
Do you ever fall out: Most of the time with some friends.
Do you friends all like different things: Yes.
Who have you known the longest: I dont know any people from my old school. So I'd say Katie
Who have you know for the shortest amount of time: Liam.
Where do you plan to be in 10 years time: Wherever you want me to be.
Plan to marry: Will you have me?
Children: I dont know yet.
Names: Why do you ask? I'm 14 for goodness sake.
8:37pm - took me three attempts to FINISH this thing!
Current Mood: fuck off?
Today was crap.
But Matt made me smile lots, love you hunny.
February 20th, 2005
|06:29 pm - Flower|
You stared at me through your sallow eyes
Your gaze strong and content.
With each silent breath, my heart slowly dies
My time with you, lost and spent.
I cant tell you how much my hands want to hold you
I cant let you know my fear.
If I reached over tell me, what would you do?
The end of the beginning is near.
So I sweep my hair away from my eyes
So I can clearly see your beautiful face
See the smile your heart clearly hides
Winning the medal but loosing the race.
Holding a flower, I stand tall once again
I peer right over to the deep secrets below
Why do you stand here, with me in the rain
Why I don’t jump off right now, I just do not know.
I toss the flower along with my heart
Its delicate form decayed by the water
You and I know its time to depart
Our innocent lives prepare for the slaughter.
Without a word spared, our hearts hold one another
This is the ultimate beginning for our end
If I had the choice, I would not have chosen any other
And now to the water below our bodies descend.
|04:15 pm - Do you still love me the way you used to?|
I'm that weird girl from down the street.
Well I'm sure thats not so important.
Because nobody really knows.
I'm only here to ask you some questions.
So I guess here goes.
Do you still love me the way you used to?
Do you still care about me the way you once did?
Can you still listen to our song,
And hear my sweet voice singing along?
Do you still need me to hold you tight?
Do you still want me to phone you at night?
Do you dream the way I do,
Because if you do, then I love you.
I'm sorry I'm asking, but is it a crime
To feel your love slip away with time?
So baby tell me all thats on your mind,
You know I wont laugh, I'm not that kind.
Sorry, I've gotta go because my mums made tea
So I'll kiss you goodbye if you kiss me.
Remember I'll be here through thick and thin.
I know loving you is a helpless sin.
February 17th, 2005
|08:16 pm - See you when the clouds have cleared|
This is the last entry I am going to write on live journal.
Well at least for a while.
My reasons are that the people who I have on here are my best friends, and typing my problems onto some stupid screen isnt the way to make myself feel better.
If the people who read this really care they will ask me whats wrong instead of finding out on this stupid piece of crap.
I still want to write about stuff I do etc in here, for me.
But this journal is for me.
I know it sounds really stupid, but its not for my mates to come on and say "oh, shes sad, now I know why"
I've confused myself.
Current Mood: confused
February 16th, 2005
|08:24 pm - :S|
I think i drank too much wine
Current Mood: heehe
|08:10 pm - Wellleo|
Today was weird.
I've been really happy.
The really sad.
Rather spazzed out really.
Matttt I'm worrrriiieeed about yoooouuuu.
And I cant help thinking that you dont like me...
Have I done/said/done/said something?
Because if I have tell me, and if theres somthing wrong tell me.
Because I wanna know.
In a none nosy way.
Because if you dont want me to know then...
Well just then.
Choir was fun.
All the guys were ugly thought.
And apparently Mr Wheeler had porn on his computer :O smelly old perve!
And there was me thinking he was nice!
I bit Katie rather alot.
And we had a spit fight...
What! Who said thatm we so didnt...
Lauren got back from America.
I really missed her!
I was happy to have a hug :D
She just said "Can I ask you something" and is typing...
I'm so worried.
I think I'm going to die.
What did I do?
Shes still typing...
Shes still typing...
AHH shes done!
Oh phew, I didnt do anything :D
Current Mood: moo!
Current Music: Moo?